crappy crap

2008 is finally coming to an end and with it comes the hope of a better year in 2009. The year that it was really changed my outlook in life,reaffirmed my past convictions and gave me new experiences i never thought i would ever have.

The year allowed me to open up my mind again. To see beyond the walls i built up around me. That beneath the ruins and ugliness this world has to bring–lies the beauty of hope and redemption. I have been hurt, i stumbled, i  even got my heart broken but i also learned that forgiveness of others comes from forgiving yourself first.

I am far from the person I started with in the year 2008. I like to think that I am now a much better person, not stronger but wiser in life. I welcome the year 2009 with all my heart. I thank God for the year that passed and for all the people He allowed to pass my way and made my journey memorable.

MaY 2009 bring pRosperiTY to us All..! ^_^

There’s a lot of things goin on in my mind right now. I wanna scream and break things but I won’t.I feel a million jumbled emotions that I can’t pinpoint which is which. I have so much to do and so few resources. I want to look for people who can knock some sense into this chaotic and twisted brain of mine.

I know I am a changing person. I am a late bloomer. I scare myself at times and I amaze myself sometimes. All I know is I’m getting crazier by the day. I may never be the normal person I wanna be. I am always bored and I am always broke. A bad combination of things really. Makes you do a lot of stupid things that make u lie awake in the middle of the night and think if u regret doing those stuff. I never do. I stand by my decisions and I rarely go back on my principles.

I am brutally honest about my opinions and emotions that I wonder if it still is normal. Then again who’s to say what’s normal and not? :-p

this week is really something for me. i was able to finish a lot of stuff and open doors for new experiences to come in. finally, i was able to finish my clearance and enrollment. i am officially a student of southwestern university (where excellence is a virtue… ^_^).

i had fun with my 5 semester stay at cebu doctors’ university. i met a lot of people and forged friendshipsthat i know i’ll cherishfor the rest of my life. i am sad to be leaving but opening myself to a future where it seems brighter and easier (hopefully) is an opportunity i just can’t resist.

i’ll be missing the bloopers and all the drama c.d.u. has to offer (haha i sure won’t miss sir kens’ exam though)  but i’m also excited to experiencewhat s.w.u. has in store for me. ^_^

Sometimes, it really is best not to care. For sometimes the irony of it all is in finding out what really matters to you in the act of uncaring. It’s in these times of selfish reflections that you figure out what you really need in life. We can want a lot of things at a certain time but in reality we only need a few things to survive.

The bad habit of continually grasping on to things we find attractive even though it brings us more harm than good is what brings about our destruction. We can’t really have all the things we aim for but life gives us things to work on.

Life is just like that. It never really goes right but it never really is wrong. At times, what is wrong is not us but the people and things we care about. So we blame the people who made us care? No. We don’t blame anyone. Blaming is just a lame excuse for escaping reality. To blame is an act of cowardice and total insensitivity. Nothing and no one is perfect. We all get hurt and we all feel abandoned at times.

The only difference between a winner and a loser is not how many times one falls but how many times they marched through even though it seems pointless to continue struggling. So what really is my aim in writing this blog? Nothing. Just feel like rambling early in the morning. ^^,)

Change is what I was scared of a few weeks ago but now it is something that I welcome into my life. Boredom actually helped me to think my life over and I realized that there are some things I just have to let go. Cause that is what life is all about…”letting go”.

I admit that I am not the person who lets go of things easily but when I do, I do so without regret. I thrive on change as of the moment. I actually feel empowered when I know that I am able to change something in me. It’s not that I am trying to change everything about me… I am just actually changing bits of myself to modify my whole character.

It is so ironic how I used to blame others for always changing and kind of leaving me behind but now I know better. It is not just them who changed, I also changed. Cause no matter how hard we try to deny it, we change little by little everyday. Some of these changes may be good while some may be bad. What matters is we know how to differentiate what is right from wrong.

Change is my enemy, my friend and my constant companion. No matter what happens though, I know that things will always change and nothing good or bad lasts forever. So I’ll just savor this phase in my life and hope to learn from every thing that comes my way.